And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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