Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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