dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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