She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
