Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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