You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
