If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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