I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
