I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
