It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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