lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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