i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
