I cockslap morals
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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