i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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