Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
