when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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