I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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