It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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