Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
