Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
