so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
