YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
