I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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