Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
