y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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