Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
