You're my little dorito
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
