you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
