So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
