im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
