i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
