Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
