please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
