Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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