Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Do vagina's smell?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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