happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
