yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
