i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
