Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm always down for nudity.
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