so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
