she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
it's great music for shaving your balls
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
