it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
