When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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