Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
