That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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