Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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