god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
