one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
