theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
