One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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