Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
