Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
