I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
