I want to have your abortion
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
